When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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