It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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