I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
