Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think your dad took our porno
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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