she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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