Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
