tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
