omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
