I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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