youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to make out with him forever
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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