Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
