It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
