end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
