My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
