but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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