You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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