so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
