oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
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You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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