Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
