I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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