i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
