I got chris browned last night
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
