All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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