remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize