I bet he comes in French.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Randomize
