Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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