So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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