The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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