I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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