3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You ruined the universe
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
