Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
