my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Randomize