I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
