He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
