Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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