Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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