I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
