god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My balls are so social today.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize