I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were trust falling into bushes
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
