If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
