Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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