happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Swine flu is the new snow day.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
