how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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