She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
