Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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