I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
