she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
