the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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