Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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