I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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