May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
