you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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