call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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