last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
