i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
