either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
