Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
