I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
