hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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