My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
