I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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