Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
