Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
