He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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